Monday, September 26, 2011

on someday motherhood

Almost as quickly as we returned from our honeymoon, people began asking when Scott and I planned to have children, and how many we were going to have. My standard answer is "five years", because it seems to quickly shut the conversation down, but the reality is that I simply don't know. I can hardly imagine us in those roles.

(Though I do have an answer ready to spit out, I must admit that I hate getting the question - I think it's quite invasive, and frankly, it makes me want to sucker punch whoever is asking).

The truth is, I'm not ready to be a parent right now, and I don't know when I will be.

One year? Six? Ten?

See, I'm a big believer in "life stages", and celebrating whatever stage you're in now. And right now, I can't help fantasize about my first trip to Europe, or prioritize ridiculously overpriced shoes. I still count down the days until my next booze-y margarita girls night.

Those reasons sound selfish... and they are selfish. I'm selfish. And I know I'm not ready to put those things to rest - yet.

I can't wait to be a mom, and I can't wait to see Scott be a daddy, and I can understand and appreciate the beauty and joy that those roles bring to people. But the truth is, I don't know when it's going to stop being "just" the two of us. And I don't know what shape our family will take, or even how many of us there will be. I don't know if any of us will share biology, and I don't know if I'll have sweet daughters or precious sons or some combination.

But I believe in my gut that I will be a mom someday - some way, somehow - and that someday I'll be ready and excited and relish the experience.

(And I won't miss those margarita girls nights).


1 comment:

  1. I appreciate that you are enjoying your life stage..and I respect it, and you. I do love your children already. Margaritas and Europe - I can have both now - and nothing compares to the high of having you. Just saying!


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