I want to acknowledge the anniversary, but I don't know how to put my feelings in to words.
I wish he wasn't dead? And sometimes I'm glad he is dead? I feel both of those things, sometimes at the same time. My relationship with him is more complicated now - eleven years after he breathed his last - than it was the day he died. The more I learn, the more I want to learn and the less I want to know.
The more I hear about him, the more I realize the less I know. The more I hear about him, the less I like him, the more I want an hour with him.
My relationship with Mike Maloney did not end when he died. It is unlike any relationship I have ever had, or will ever had. It is hard, it is messy, it is confusing.
It's made easier with the realization - and the acceptance - that his demons are now at rest, he is at peace, and I am better for having him - demons and all - in my life and in my history.