I wish for an afternoon with him. I want him to know about us, about how we are doing. So much has changed since then, with our family, with our world. We've had two presidents, a terrorist attack, a war. High school, college. We've grown up, moved out. Matt and I graduated, moved to Chicago. Joe's in college. I fell in love. I'd say that we're doing ok- but it's more then that. We're making our way in the world, independently. Together. We're happy.
There is so much about us I wish he knew, and so much about him that I wish I knew.
Did he understand the depths of his struggle? Of ours today?
When I remember him, I can smell the patchouli, see his flannel and jeans, Carhart jacket. I see the camper, his campsite, the Bait & Tackle store. I think of Godfather's Pizza, his giant coffee mug, the gray Dodge Ram.
Despite it all... I loved him. And I still do.
You know? He was my dad. As messed up as he was, as unkind, with as much baggage... I loved him.
I like to think that he is up there, somewhere, looking down on us, Old Style in hand, having one of those big laughs of his, thinking we're doing pretty damn well.
"No one is truly dead, until they are no longer loved"
Michael Ives Maloney 3/13/48-4/6/00